Children from families of alcoholics

A child at school age who has one or both parents with alcohol or drug addiction has the following features.

"The terrible secret of the family."

Parents from children try to hide all the bad things that are connected with alcoholism. But in fact it is impossible to completely hide the disorder that is brought into life by any dependence.

«Life in shelter».

Lying pervades not only family relationships, but also penetrates even further - reaches neighbors, etc. Children, knowing that people condemn drunkenness and blame their parents for being bad, try to hide by all means the disgrace of their family. Frankly they can not talk about the family either with teachers or with friends. Their habit of concealing reality makes it necessary to ignore it. Confidence, secrecy, deception in life become ordinary components. As a result, everyone in the family becomes vicious and suspicious.

"Messages that have a double meaning."

A child in an alcohol family for his life hears a lot of things that have a contradictory meaning. For example, the mother says to her child: "I love you, go for a walk, do not get in the way here."Hearing this, the child begins to think that the mother does not have time for him, that she does not care about him at all - and yet how can she love him? Part of the maternal phrase attracts, the other part - repels. The child's feelings are mixed, and he does not know which part of the phrase to believe.

"Strife, fight, fights."

In alcoholic families fights, quarrels are quite common. It does not matter what the quarrel was about - the child might think that this is his fault. Usually the children look for solutions to themselves. Watching that parents constantly make noise, quarrel, argue, complain about each other, children learn this style of relationships with people in general.

"Bad forebodings, fears".

Almost all the children from the families of alcoholics have fear, and unpleasant feelings when returning home from friends or from school. What is there? Because of fear, children can stay away from home for a long time. So can the fear for the future begin and never end."Disappointment."

In alcohol families, parents very often do not fulfill their promises. Children are constantly disappointed, and this depresses them. They no longer expect the promised. But they feel that their parents betrayed them.

«Fast growing up».

Under the pressure of family circumstances the natural process of growing up is accelerated and pushed. The child gets used, gives pleasure to associates and passionately expect from them approval. If there is no approval, the child becomes angry and crushed.

In families of alcoholics, children feel responsible for their younger sisters and brothers. In addition, drinking parents need their emotional and physical support. Children need to approve their parents, listen to them, making their lives more comfortable and convenient.

Children from the family of alcoholics are subjected to various forms of abuse, sometimes even those that threaten the child's life. A drunken parent who does not measure his strength can severely injure his child. Naturally, the beating of children is hushed up.

"Abandoned child".

Lack of attention and care for the child, in such families can be a style of parenting. Lack of care for the child's body, about physical hygiene - this is only the beginning of the abandonment of the child. Doctors very often find neglected diseases in children who have been ignored or not seen by their parents. In addition, alcohol families do not pay attention to the emotional needs of children. So children can not learn how to enter the state of other people. They will not be able to absorb even the elementary duties of parents, which will make it difficult to adapt to their own future family.

"Lack of self-esteem, low self-esteem."

Reduced self-esteem in children forms a lack of attention from their parents. Children with whom they are treated as if they are nothing, perceive themselves in many areas of life as incompetent. Life in an unharvested and uncomfortable apartment, constantly inappropriate clothing is also an inattention from the parents to the needs of the child. Therefore, children do not value themselves very much, and very often they do not consider themselves to be worthy people.

«Myths that help to survive».

The most common myths are as follows:

1) "I am the cause of parents' alcoholism. And I have to do something about this. "This thought is saving for the child. Otherwise, to believe that he was not involved in alcoholism, would mean that he can not change anything in the family. Feelings of guilt can serve as the basis for this myth.

2) "I'm not like everyone else".Children who grow up in families of alcoholics, very badly feel that something differs from other children, but what exactly they do not know. In their existence, this feeling brings discomfort. As if they belong to some other world.

3) "I constantly need to control myself and all the circumstances. Otherwise, the world will collapse. "This is one of the goals of fantasizing the child, that is, reaching the feeling that, finally, he owns the situation, that he is the master of the situation. For children from alcoholic families, this feeling is pleasant, but it also gives a sense of security.

4) "Someone will come or something will happen, and all this will change."This myth emerges from a sense of its own impotence, it removes guilt from the child and places it on another external force. This myth offers hope. In fact, no external force can change the situation for the better in the family, at any rate, this will not happen until the drinking parents turn to specialists for help. And if you wait for help from outside, then you acknowledge that the family itself can not do anything.

In general, nothing pathological and unusual is that children fantasize, no. Because it is peculiar to them. It's very bad when fictions, fantasies are used instead of reality and take the place of reality.

Thus, in children of alcoholics, the children's period of their development differs in some features. If children are left without help, then these features can impose on their lives imprint and in adulthood.