Feeling of shame: psychology

What is shame.

The feeling of shame appears in a person as a result of comprehension of the discrepancy between his actions and his behavior to the generally accepted norms and values. The influence of this emotion on a person's life depends directly on the degree of her feeling. So, if shame in a weak form is able to prevent the negative consequences of human actions, then severe shame can, on the contrary, lead to the adoption of rash decisions( suicide, violence, etc.).

Here is a simple example of weakly expressed shame. When a person insults his loved ones with a harsh word, he becomes ashamed, he apologizes and promises not to do more of such actions. If the shame is sincere, then the person, most likely, will keep his promise. The situation with hypertrophied shame is much more complicated. The consequences of it vary from bringing a person himself to emotional exhaustion, before causing himself serious bodily harm. Strongly expressed shame bears only negative consequences, and therefore one should try to avoid it.

A person constantly experiencing a pronounced emotion of shame is rapidly developing an inferiority complex, a person does not understand why he is some kind of "not so", why people do not accept him as he is. A man always blames himself for his vices( more often invented), begins to hate himself and, because of the inability to change, experiences aggression towards others.

Where does the shame come from?

The feeling of shame develops most often in a person in the earliest childhood and is laid in the form of incorrect statements about own inferiority. This is facilitated by the closest people, and in adult life this statement turns into shame, which fetters the actions of a person and prevents him from living. Children have increased the degree of vulnerability, and therefore to impose false statements on them by reproaches, remarks, accusations and ridicule is simpler than simple. Subsequently, the feeling of inferiority is almost impossible to defeat, as is the emotion of shame, psychology here is the same for all.

Personality traits are a pre-programmed behavior program run in an acceptable situation for a given feature. As soon as a person begins to act contrary to this program, he is seized by a sense of shame. In this case, the more features a person has, the more likely he will experience a feeling of shame. Any personality trait can potentially be a source of shame. If a person is brave, but suddenly showed cowardice - he is overcome by shame. Other features of the personality are the same.

But is it possible in any way to influence the development of a sense of shame within yourself? Of course, you can! This is what clever people do with the help of the brain. At the same time, one must not influence the guilt itself, but one's own self-concept. The human brain is a powerful tool that can change any unfavorable emotions.

How to influence the feeling of shame.

The first way to influence your shame is to suppress it. You just need to get used to it, know about its existence, but do not think about it. However, shame is a very strong emotion. Once a person can get used to it, it will immediately begin to change the habits of the person and his worldview. If the emotion of shame forces a person to think that he is not worthy of a better life, then a person can get used to thinking about his insignificance. But this is not the worst, it is worse to admit the excess of negative emotions because of their constant suppression. After all, sooner or later, any emotions come out, and a person falls into the strongest depression.

The second way to deal with emotions is to provide an outlet for emotions. A person creates to himself situations in which actions associated with a sense of shame are carried out. For example, if a person is ashamed to go out on people without clothes, he once does it, and at some point understands that there is nothing bashful and terrible here. Only after this, shame recedes. This way of fighting shame is very risky, because it forces a person to do something contrary to public opinion, norms and rules of behavior. Such actions cause resentment from the surrounding people and the authorities. But it is this method that psychologists use at their trainings to rid the person of the sense of shame. At such trainings, the main role is given to practice. Modest people practice their ability to be arrogant. Too polite - unceremonious. The principle of this method is to knock out a "wedge with a wedge".

Which of the following is better suited to combat fatal shame? None of them! The problem is that many people who wish to cope with shame seek to somehow destroy this emerging feeling, but human psychology does not accept this. It is better just to learn how to control them. Human emotions - a thing innate, donated by nature itself, and therefore trying to get rid of them is just silly. The best way out of this situation is to learn how to use your emotions and quickly adapt to them. It is important for a person to learn how to be ashamed, happy, criticized, offended, etc.

You have to accept yourself as you are. The most stupid thing a person can try to do is be perfect. After all, each person has his own ideas about the ideal, and therefore the category "ideal man" can not exist simply.

Do not judge other people. There is no more terrible quality than the desire to find negative aspects in people, and then publicly blame them. Remember, if you saw a negative character trait in a person, think about the fact that this side is visible only to you. This is nothing more than your purely subjective assessment.

Refuse once and for all from the comparison of your behavior and your immediate expectation. If you learn to get rid of comparing your actions with the expectations of others, you will protect yourself from unnecessary complexes and experiences. Man refuses to compare, enters into harmony with his self-concept, ceasing to feel shame.