Psychology: positive thinking

"When people say to me" You are a positive person, "I have mixed feelings," says Gestalt therapist Svetlana Verkhovets. Chekhov's ironic paraphrase comes to mind: "Everything must be perfect in man. And the mind, and the clothes, and the middle. "Mentally healthy people are different! He is able to realize his emotions and act according to the situation, including rigidly "shaving off" inadequate people and pouring bitter tears over the collapse of hopes. It happens in every way! Here it is asked, what is positive about the fact that you in the subway stepped on new shoes? The man gave up - will we accept and rejoice? And the situations described are the life of a living person. "

For a start about the word "positive".It comes from the Latin "positum," that is, "inevitability."To accept reality and oneself as they are, rather than forcibly making oneself happy - this is the basic postulate of the psychology of thinking positivists. And he has nothing to do with the legend of eternal bliss.

Psychology: positive thinking, 5 myths.

The first myth of the psychology of positive thinking is to avoid stress.

What happens when a person stubbornly refuses to notice their stress signals and, instead of acting, picks up a bath with foam and lights the aroma lamp? What causes the advice to "relax"?Energy, intended for active action, is preserved. For example, you were fired from work. The body asks: to run, ring, negotiate, change something. .. and the person tries to calm down, distracted, meditates, that is, struggles with his own ancient mechanisms of survival. Of course, in an unequal struggle the organism is depleted. And there is a nervous breakdown.

Who is to blame? Of course, stress. Stress, tried to avoid, instead of adequately responding to it.

What should I do? First, realize that once stress appears, it will not go anywhere, and fighting it is even more stressful. Secondly, use stressful resources to adapt to the situation. Something to do in the end! And it is desirable - physically. To begin with, at least to walk from corner to corner in the apartment. And there the head will connect, come up with an exit and plan. This is how we prevent self-destruction in the notorious psychosomatics.

2. To experience only positive emotions.

According to Freud's definition, depression is a frozen anger. Modern science has expanded the notion: not only frozen anger, but also stagnant grief, sadness. But it is not necessary to bring yourself to such a state! It's enough to be honest with yourself and not to deny your own negative feelings. They do not last long and do not affect our success. They pass. To be angry with her husband, who came home from work two hours later than promised, is normal. To be afraid of trembling in the knees before an important interview is normal. To sob and fight in hysterics after the betrayal of a beloved husband is normal. It is not normal to blame yourself for failing to be constantly in a state of happiness, as the ideology of optimism dictates.

3. To be a good mother, wife, professional...

Modern cultural stereotype says: a woman should strive for harmony, that is, successfully fulfill all of her social roles. From 9 to 18 - the ideal worker, from 19 to 22 - pay attention to the child and at the same time want to have sex. Only robots can do this, and not real people.

Actually, if you are doing a career or doing your own business, you do it 24 hours a day. Your business documents are stored on the hard drive of your home computer, during a quiet family dinner, the mobile phone is torn, and before you go to sleep you analyze the progress of the negotiations. The child thus desperately requires to play with him, the man feels abandoned. And we have to make choices every day, hourly. At all physically not enough time! Most of the mentally healthy people know how to recognize their boundaries and abandon unrealistic tasks. If a three-course dinner - then the working draft will wait until tomorrow. If walking with children in the gaming center - then the general cleaning is not today. But excessively malleable to the pressure of society fall into panic and despondency from their own imperfection: "I do not have time! I have not enough strength for anything!"Concentrate on one thing: you will get tired of going to another." Mental health means to be different. "Making your own choice regularly."

4. Constantly improving.

Now it is fashionable to visit both the drama circle, the photo circle, to practice fitness and yoga, to be aware of theatrical novelties, to collect a collection of angel figures from clay, to attend trainings. This is called opening up your potential, being active, learning new things. And if you want an extra hour to sleep - you're an outsider. The paradox is that self-improvement is a time-consuming occupation that leaves neither strength nor time for itself. A person is peculiar to want peace. Any professional in psychology knows that passive rest in general is more productive and quality than the active one. And we should not feel guilty for wanting to retire, spend the evening with a cup of tea in front of the TV.This is normal.

But it's different: a person starts to repair something that works so well, to look for shortcomings. Such self-improvement brings not joy, but a chronic dissatisfaction with oneself. And what is positive thinking?

5. Always be responsible for your life.

And that says it all! We are responsible for ourselves, and we can not carry it for others. We are not powerful, prevent the death of loved ones, are not in power, predict the global financial crisis, can not influence the actions and desires of other people. For example, an employee wants to increase his salary. He works well, argues reasonably for the boss, why he is worth this money, he is clever and does everything right. And the boss does not have extra money or he has a bad mood. And that's all. The employee is responsible for his life, he did everything that depended on him. But the boss is also responsible! We like the idea of ​​managing our destiny, sometimes we feel like almighty wizards. But the people around us are just such wizards for themselves! And if the desire of the two wizards coincide, this is a miracle and the charm of being. But if not - no one is able to change it unilaterally. This is the simple human wisdom - to catch, where is your responsibility, and where is already another's territory. An employee in this situation is not a victim at all, he tried and. .. failed. It happens. A healthy reaction is to get upset, burn, and go on. To new victories and new defeats. It is not mistaken and not upset only the one who does nothing, and the eternal positive radiate except that the mentally retarded.