How to survive a wife's pregnancy - a practical guide

Not for all men, the period of pregnancy of the wife is cloudless: sometimes this period is accompanied by strong stresses on the part of men, a lack of understanding of what happens to his faithful, and in general total loss from "habitual" relationships. And it can be connected, both with the peculiarities of the man himself, and with the peculiarities of the situation itself.

Let's see what causes, at times, at least the strange behavior of women in the process of bearing a child, as well as the factors of disagreements that occur during this busy period.

Physiology and psychology of pregnancy - where do the legs of change grow?

Psychology of pregnancy

Of course, all men who had experience of expecting a child, in one voice, will indicate a significant change in the behavior and habits of the wife, which over time can be grotesque. For example, many women have some strange "protective rituals".

Fig.1 - At the heart of some changes in the behavior of the wife, there are biological factors - the woman ensures the safety of the fetus.

At the heart of psychological changes are purely biological factors. A woman as the carrier of a child must first of all ensure the safety of the fetus. And in such a mission, often not realized, all means are good. Here, tearfulness and the desire to decrease contacts with the husband( at a certain stage) may appear, and sometimes even explosiveness and aggressiveness of behavior.

On the other hand, psychological stereotypes are influenced by social stereotypes during pregnancy: for example, if a socially significant group( eg parents, friends, colleagues) approves pregnancy, most changes in character will have a calm direction, like the mentioned concern for comfort, shifting responsibilityOn the husband;If for some reason the pregnancy is assessed as inappropriate, then the behavior will change in the appropriate direction: aggressiveness, tearfulness, a depressive background of mood may appear.

Such changes in the behavior of the wife necessarily affect the relationship in the pair, and in general the psychological state of the man. We'll talk about the overcoming below.

Physiology of pregnancy

It is obvious that a large number of changes in the behavior of the wife, which at times so complicate the life of men, are associated with the physiological component of pregnancy. Hormonal sphere undergoes serious changes;And the work of neurohormones that regulate brain activity also changes. Hence, there are sharp changes in mood, abnormal activity for pregnant women, or vice versa - a complete decline in strength.

Fig.2 - Mood swings, lethargy, change in taste habits - all this is the result of physiological changes that should be borne in mind by a man.

The rhythms of sleep-wakefulness, diet and even its composition can vary: not because it is necessary, but because the body takes its own way. Some irritability of pregnant women can also take a beginning in physiology: the body begins to spend several times more resources to ensure the vital activity of the fetus, but not always these resources are fully restored.

Problems with men

Sometimes it happens that the fault for the psychological discomfort of a man during a wife's pregnancy is not due to changes in the behavior of a woman, but to her own "problem" areas. As a rule, readiness for reactions of a certain type is laid down in adolescence and childhood. For example, if a man liked to be the object of unconditional love of his wife( a somewhat narcissistic personality), during pregnancy, the husband as it were necessary to share the love of his woman with an unborn child.

Fig.3 - The shift of the attention vector of a woman in position to herself, is perceived by infantile men as a personal insult.

Decreasing the level of attention to yourself from a woman can be assessed as an insult or loss of interest, and with real narcissistic tendencies, destructive reactions may appear, like alcohol, drugs, or treason. And these are not women's problems, but some infantility of the man with whom you want to work within the framework of therapy.

And how to live with this?

There are many problems, they are similar, and yet each of them is absolutely unique. Let's see what to do in specific cases. Consider the three most common problems:

1. feeling of jealousy;
2. loss of emotional contact with his wife;
3. fear of the unknown.

Feeling of jealousy and loss of contact

First, noticing the unpleasant experiences, do not go on open accusations and confrontation with his wife: is harmful for the relationship, and for the child .At some point, you just have to admit that something does not suit you / makes you angry in the situation of pregnancy and you have to isolate what exactly and why?

Do not think that a man in a family is the center of the world. Discarding this idea is already easier to experience the situation, and simply to find a common language with his wife. Even the actual detachment of the wife from your affairs is not evidence of loss of interest, rather it is a logical switch to your health.

In such cases, you can just talk about how you feel .It is not bad to follow the following rules:

1. talk about your feelings: not "you ignore me", but "I feel abandoned";
2. recognize the piquancy of the situation;
3. be interested in the opinion of the other party;
4. and together invent the solutions.

Sometimes it's easy enough to remove tension( which you just need to listen to, what will your wife tell you on Sunday evening, or just walk, or play a board game?).And talking about feelings only strengthens relations, if we take into account the interests of the other side.

The fear of the unknown

The biggest problem of young families. Often, during the pregnancy of the wife, men begin to overcome the strongest sense of incomprehensible anxiety, which is naturally associated with a change in the system of relations. This anxiety is most often connected with the fact that young couples simply do not know what awaits them further, which will require of them.

Sometimes such experiences, especially if they occur in a woman, can lead to very serious strife. It is this uncertainty that causes some pairs to break.

Fortunately, the lost continuity of family traditions is now compensated by a large number of training and educational groups. There are many courses for the "young father", paired classes and seminars about changes in the family in connection with the birth of a child.

Usually a visit to such "circles" has a beneficial effect both on the relationships within the couple, and on the readiness to change one's life with the birth of a child. After all, it is information, openness and readiness of the to change together is the best way to help both a man and a woman overcome such an important and difficult stage of building a family as a pregnancy.

Doctor-psychologist Borisov OB B.

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