How to gain confidence in a man?

Self-confidence is something we sometimes lack. But what is the problem and how to overcome this invisible barrier of insecurity, which sometimes causes serious obstacles on our way? Before moving on to some of the recommendations, let's see what the term "self-confidence" stands for.

Man and his confidence

A social animal is the most important characteristic of any person given to us by the American social psychologist Elliot Aronson. And indeed, we are born, grow up and wither in society - regardless of our position in it. And it is with the social side of confidence that problems often arise. Obviously, some ideals of a masculine character are set by society, and the possible inconsistency with these norms leads to insecurity in oneself.

So, self-confidence - what are its basic elements?

• self-esteem is the foundation of confidence, if your image of "Self" does not suit you, then where does one get the confidence?
• self-distancing is the ability to take yourself out of the situation for a second and see what is happening "from the balcony" in order to evaluate their actions. The inability to evaluate oneself is undermined by the certainty of the correctness of one's actions;
• activity - there is no it, there is no need to doubt their abilities. However, it is in action that we learn ourselves and gain confidence in ourselves. Passive attitude leads not just to uncertainty, but in general to the lack of such a concept in life.

These are the most important, but not all, psychological roots of confidence.

It's not so difficult to look confident, there are dozens of recipes for "solid appearance".But that's how survive and live own confidence? About this below.

The recipe for confidence: help yourself

To become confident, you need not only to follow a certain prescription, but also to give up harmful habits. Let's see what needs to be done to gain self-confidence.

You are not perfect

And there are no ideal people. Therefore, it is worth to part with teenage maximalism to do everything perfectly. Often it is neurotic perfectionism that turns a man into an absolutely insecure being. You can not do everything perfectly, each of us has an objective right to make a mistake.

It's not rare that such an aspiration for the "ideal" is laid in the family, but our parents at some point stop determining our life, so it's worth spending time analyzing where you really are, and where do the parent installations speak? It may well be that this is enough - the past can influence us, but our life is happening here-and-now.

But not bad

And, despite the rejection of perfectionism, do not forget about professional competence. Do not confine your profession to university education and personal experience. Simply become better by discussing working processes with the guru of your field, attend thematic seminars and trainings, if there is such an opportunity. Professional self-improvement and purposeful development should be a powerful impetus to gaining confidence.

Staying in the trend, you very clearly imagine what is happening in your field of activity. And it is the new flow of knowledge and skills that represents the foundation on which confidence in their competence is built, and on it - in their power and themselves. If you have information and know how to use it, how can you be insecure?

Relation to other

Another source of our uncertainty is the fear of negative or unpleasant evaluation from the outside. But such an assessment may be biased, simply because you are. .. not a very pleasant conversationalist. But it is on the basis of communication that our whole life is built. Develop communication and rhetorical skills: the ability to speak laconically and communicate thoughts to others gives confidence because you are certain to be understood by .

Fig.1 - Developing communication skills helps to overcome self-doubt.

Do not forget that dialogue is not only verbal contact, but also a huge baggage of non-verbal means through which our feelings and emotions are expressed. If you say, then talk about what you know, if you ask - be ready to hear the answer. And, in the end, use emotions in dialogue.

Responsibility for yourself

Another reason for the lack of self-confidence is the belief that your life can not be controlled. When everything goes by gravity it's really hard to feel confident. Writing off everything to fate - it's easy to be in the outskirts of life.

So, self-confidence is based on responsibility for the quality of your life. A conscious acceptance of responsibility for everything that happens to us, a willingness to say "no" to things unacceptable to us is another way of gaining confidence.

Accepting yourself

If you do not agree with who you are, then you are certain to lose three things: peace, happiness of life and confidence. And all these three factors are closely related: the confidence in my "I can" and its usefulness determines the whole quality of life. But our possibilities are not unlimited. We have both weak and strong sides in our subjective sensation. And we must learn to accept them post factum, if there is no possibility to change something.

In psychology, our weaknesses are often called filters - they complicate the process of interaction with other people, and a large number of such filters simply frustrate our peace of mind and confidence in the correctness of your "I".

Recognizing your weaknesses and agreeing that they really affect your life will not help you get rid of them, but will greatly facilitate their control. Finding power over your weaknesses, you gain confidence that you can control and be responsible for your life.

Affirmations for self-confidence for men

"I am calm and confident, my life is under my control" - you can start your morning with this phrase, but do not lose sight of the fact that affirmation is a very delicate process. Of course, through conviction one can really create an installation for certainty, but will it work if the problems listed above are not worked out? In addition, in an objectively difficult environment, the creation of artificial confidence is grotesque, and does not lead to anything good, except for neurotic episodes.

Only openness to their experiences and the outside world creates a powerful energy for a truly working affirmation. If you do not believe in what you say and do not agree with responsibility, then there is no sense in self-deception.

Video on affirmations for confidence and not only

Psychologists about self-confidence

A good way to feel your "Self" and at the same time gain a sense of self-confidence and your life helps and reading specialized literature. There is such a thing as bibliotherapy - treatment by "knowledge".Below we will offer a list of authors, articles and books that somehow unfold the problem of the integrity of our "Self" and the problem of finding yourself as men( that is, self-confidence).

Fig.2 - Reading specialized literature will help you to better understand your feelings and solve them.

Let's start with articles by Alfrida Lange :

1. live meaningfully;
2. reach out to life;
3. live - authentic;
4. the experience of loneliness;
5. find agreement with life.

As well as many other articles devoted to the theory and practice of acquiring semantic reference points, and with them - and self-confidence. Also, we recommend the books and articles by of Viktor Frankl , in particular "Saying Yes to Life!".

At first sight, the titles of publications do not reflect the problem of self-confidence, but de facto real confidence( and understanding) in itself is acquired by a man when he is capable of accepting the present, with the right to his life and mistakes. But this is already a separate, global and interesting problem that goes beyond the scope of our subjects. For this, we finish our article and wish our readers gaining faith in their own forces and understanding their existence - that is, "good being."

Doctor-psychologist Borisov OB B.

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