How to get out of depression after a divorce to a man?

Social statistics say that about a quarter of all marriages fall apart. And divorce is not the easiest thing in the life of any man. Without going into the reasons for the divorce, let's see why the divorce process is accompanied by sadness, and sometimes severe depression.

About

divorce Since emotional life - the lot of psychology, let us structure the very concept of divorce from the point of view of the sphere of knowledge. First, the divorce is divided into three phases:

1. thinking and deciding on divorce;
2. planning for family liquidation;
3. itself, divorce( separation).

It is also worth pointing to the multifaceted nature of the relationship that ends after the divorce, and therefore also distinguishes the following types of divorce:

• legal;
• emotional;
• social;
• economic.

We will be interested in separation with its emotional consequences. So, let's look at the causes of the development of depression.

reasons

emotional problems after finalizing the divorce comes the so-called postrazvodny period .The main task of this period is the restructuring of its new family system( single, for example), its stabilization, as well as the acceptance of the irreversibility of the situation.

Depending on the reasons for the divorce, the experiences of each man are expressed by different emotions and strength. If the divorce was conducted in a friendly atmosphere and by mutual consent, then, as a rule, even the banal bad mood is not kept for long.

Divorce, which has become a salvation for a man( for example, a wife with hysterical features) generally can not cause regret;Sadness causes only lost time.

Still, most often, a divorce is accompanied by very serious emotional shocks, which can be difficult to accept, but it is necessary to survive. Firstly, the main reason depressive notok - is the destruction of the image of "we" and the need to re-build their "I" and "you", the need to create a whole new vision of the future.

Secondly, if a strong emotional connection is broken, then there comes a period of devastation, which is subjectively experienced very painfully. At first, there may come a sense of loss of meaningful orientations of .

Thirdly, it is the destruction of life stereotypes. We will have to accept the new rhythm of life, with new necessary deeds, with the need to revise our everyday schedule. In particular, this is manifested in the case when the spouses almost immediately leave "in different corners."

Fourth, this is a sharp increase in uncertainty in the future. Behind the collapsed picture of the world follows the question: "What will happen next?".And at once you can not find an answer to it - this can create the strongest anxiety, which in some cases ends with neurosis-like phenomena.

Symptoms of pozvozvodnoy depression

First, the syndrome of "irreplaceable loss."There is a depressing feeling that a man has lost something that can never be found or replaced. It does not always apply to the person of his wife - it may be the relationship, a habitual rhythm of life, etc. It is accompanied, as a rule, a sense of hopelessness, fear and anxiety...

It is appropriate to give a hungry man a metaphor: on the verge of starvation man ready to eat anything that can be eaten, why not make satiated gourmet.

Fig.2 - With the help of numerous casual sex connections, a man tries to close the gap in the emotional intimacy that he had with his wife.

Absolutely chaotic sexual relationships may appear, serving as an inferior substitute for emotional intimacy, but in fact exacerbating the negative state of a man. The second example of such "substitution" is a total immersion in some kind of activity( work, hobby, etc.).It seems to give the impression of need, meaningfulness and employment, but does not bring satisfaction, and moreover - sometimes exhausts physically. Stop in this situation is impossible - because you have to remain alone with your painful experiences.

In the case of emotionally sensitive men, the opposite reaction can be observed: complete apathy, loss of interest in everything and everyone. The world seems to be seen because of the muddy gray tulle, the anhedonia is coming - the fundamental impossibility of enjoying anything. If this condition is delayed, then it is worth considering the beginning of depression and recognizing the need for professional help.

A prolonged depression, refusal to help with lack of own resources for coping is fraught with various pathological consequences: from alcoholization to suicidal attempts.

In general, in the classical description, this period can be characterized as the time of emotional shock, "fossils" with anxiety and anxiety, to which somatic symptoms are often attached, such as sleep and appetite disorders.

Overcoming the crisis period

There are things that we can not control. And divorce is one of them. Sometimes after a formal divorce the spouses try to cling to the already broken relationship. It is worth to abandon this, at the first stages of overcoming the meaning in such actions there.

Sadness and sorrow, as it were, "cleanse" a place in a person, creating a void that later can fill with new experiences and pleasant memories. So, this period is simply worth living, recognizing the right to your emotions and, maybe, suffering.

You can also try to find in the flow of your experiences something that supports us and touches the most: it will become a solid support for building a new life. This is a difficult and painful process, however, it is quite logical that against the background of our oppression we begin to feel better the pleasures of life.

Fig.3 - Sometimes, the only thing we need to survive a difficult period is time.

Moreover, one should learn to leave time and place in order to be alone with oneself. Without immersion in routine, in your favorite "rescue" cases. Give ten-minute freedom to the progress of their thoughts and feelings - not difficult, and such an enterprise carries a powerful psychotherapeutic charge.

Do not fall out of social life: in society you can find support. Moderate communication with friends, with their parental family, helps to "share" the bitterness of loss. Yes, and just to share with a significant person his state - is already useful.

So, let's sum up: divorce is akin to a sense of loss, which is accompanied by grief. And this state is worth accepting and "learning to grieve" with the benefit for yourself. Leave in your new world a place for yourself, keep in touch with meaningful people. Give up compensatory reactions, like random connections and total withdrawal into work. Recognize the right to your feelings and emotions - live them. And finally, say your life "Yes!" Going to a new stage of personal growth.

Doctor-psychologist Borisov OB B.

Recommended for viewing: